


You might have laughed if I told you

by wildestranger



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-10
Updated: 2010-04-10
Packaged: 2017-10-08 20:39:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/79316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildestranger/pseuds/wildestranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>It doesn't need to be good sex; it just needs to be somebody who isn't Jack.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	You might have laughed if I told you

**1\. A brilliant night I'm still awake**

It doesn't need to be good sex; it just needs to be somebody who isn't Jack. This club is full of horny students, and Ianto likes the idea of pulling someone younger, someone who thinks they know what it's all about but doesn't really. He knows he looks like a student himself, and that's fine; only another facade between him and the world, another way of being something other than what they see. White t-shirt, old jeans worn thin at all the right places, turning him into someone approachable. Thanks to Jack Ianto knows what to look at in a man's body. How to make himself something men want to look at.

The guy is blond and green-eyed, with a clear English complexion and a plummy accent. He tells Ianto that his name is Alexander ("But you can call me Alex") and that he's never pulled a Welshman before, the suggestion of slumming all but spelled out. Alex is doing Politics at Cardiff Uni, and he speaks with a confident voice about his future, the jobs he is going to get, the ideas he has. Ianto doesn't really care, but it's easier than telling Alex about himself, which he's not keen on doing.

After two pints and lots of earnest nodding Ianto suggests that they find somewhere more quiet. He has guessed, correctly, that Alex has his own flat, and they make their way there with minimal drunken fumbling. Upon arrival Alex, also predictably, states that he doesn't do anal sex, and looks at Ianto with every expectation of being offered a blowjob.

When Ianto only raises an eyebrow in response, he finds himself pushed against the bedroom door, hands grabbing his arse and a beer- and tobacco-tinged mouth biting his lips.

Not good sex, then, but it's someone else's hand on his cock, someone else making him come. Ianto decides that he wants Alex to come first, and it isn't difficult to ignore the faint tinges of desire in his belly while he keeps tugging at Alex's cock. Alex is drunk enough for it to take a while, and Ianto gets the chance to rehearse all his lately developed skills; where to press his thumbs, how to let the slightest bit of nail be felt, how to use every available piece of flesh in order to tease. Sex is always a useful experience, a way to learn about people, and Ianto is keen to learn about what makes them move and talk and want. How to control that want.

Ianto doesn't stay long enough to even pretend to ask for Alex's number. He goes to work the next morning with a lovebite on his neck, and Owen whistles while Gwen and Tosh exchange worried smiles.

There is no need. Ianto is moving on.

**2\. You don't need me to tell you now that nothing can compare **

He's the new boss, but they are all too painfully aware that Owen isn't the right boss. Ianto makes a point of bringing him coffee in exactly the same way as before; in a chipped cup, and only whenever he makes it for everyone else. He never calls Owen Sir.

But because it's Owen, and because Owen is an obnoxious git, they sometimes end up having screaming fights down at the autopsy room. And because it's Owen, sometimes all the pushing and shoving ends in Owen pulling Ianto to the floor and grabbing his cock and biting him through his shirt. Ianto ends up pushing dry fingers into Owen's arse, then fucks him with a thin sheen of medical lubricant on his cock while Owen swears and sweats and groans. They will both have bruises from where they crashed against the table, and Owen will have a scar from where a scalpel fell and nicked him in the shin. Ianto will have a bite mark on his arm, but high enough to be covered by most of his t-shirts

Afterwards, getting his breath back and still half-entangled with Owen, Ianto notices what a mess they've made. There are Weevil entrails on his shoe, blood and some sort of blue jelly coagulating under the autopsy table, and a drip of what might be semen and might be alien brain goo on the ceiling. He tries to get up but is caught by his own trousers, still dangling below his knees, and so Ianto falls on a pool of multicoloured goo and drags Owen down with him. They look at each other, half-naked and lately feral, now covered in alien juices, and burst out laughing.

It doesn't happen often, but Ianto finds that Owen doesn't annoy him quite so much anymore. And if Owen chooses to include him in the crude sexual comments he likes to make at Tosh and Gwen, well, he doesn't mind. It's a world away from Jack's flirtation, and that's what matters.

**3\. Loneliness it wears me out it lies in wait**

They are friends, and Ianto doesn't think he's taking advantage. Toshiko may be fragile, but she isn't stupid, and like Ianto she has learned not to be naïve about love. There's a certain kind of self-awareness that confident people like Gwen and Owen can never have, and Ianto recognises it in Tosh. He knows she won't misunderstand him when he takes hold of her hand one night when the others have gone, when there's human blood on her skirt and alien blood on his shoes and they haven't slept in 48 hours.

It's slow and sweet, and might be called loving if they weren't both too bitter about other people. It's comfort, and Ianto realises that out of all the people in the world, this woman whose shoulder blades he is following with his mouth, who breathes softly into the flesh of his arm as his fingers move inside her, is the only one he trusts. It could be because neither one of them has a reason to betray the other. Or because even after everything that's happened, everything they've done, they still want to like each other, and it occurs to Ianto that he doesn't feel that about anyone else.

Tosh is quiet and beautiful beside him, pressed between Ianto and the back of the dodgy sofa, not sleeping, still and content. They will get up in a bit and make jokes about the stains Owen will find the next day, the horrified faces he will make.

Ianto isn't sure if sex makes them better friends, but it doesn't make them worse, and that's enough.

**4\. The shadow of necklace across your thigh**

Torchwood needs to have a certain amount of contact with the local police force. It has usually been Gwen who makes the calls, asks for favours and browbeats her former colleagues into letting Torchwood do what they want. But a few months after Jack is gone Ianto notices how uncomfortably Gwen starts to fidget every time she has to make the call. There's a pinched look she gets whenever Owen makes jokes about her pimping herself out for the good of Torchwood, and it doesn't fade as quickly as Ianto would like. He volunteers.

DI Swanson is a tall, beautiful woman who likes to make jokes about Jack. Ianto smiles, raises a mocking eyebrow when asked to talk about Jack's working practices, and offers to buy her a drink after they finish tying up the loose ends of a few alien inspired murders.

He has a feeling Jack once slept with her, and that despite being probably retconned (Jack doesn't like extra complications, Ianto thinks) she remembers something, enough to keep her talking about Jack. This almost dissuades Ianto from shagging her, but in the end he reminds himself that Jack doesn't matter anymore, and that there is smug satisfaction for them both if he allows DI Swanson to seduce him.

She pays for a posh hotel room. Ianto is amused by the assumption that he is low enough on the pay scale not to want to share the cost, but plays along, looks shy and biddable when she touches him, allows her to lead him to the bed. She clearly has ideas about how such things should be done and she seems to enjoy herself, likes pushing him down on the bed and straddling him, pinning his hands above his head when she kisses him. Ianto almost wants to cry out like a ravished maiden, but then decides it would be unkind, and just goes along with it. She's good at sucking cock, and he's quite hard enough by the time she hitches up her skirt and starts riding him.

Afterwards, she does look smug, and gives him a kiss on the cheek and says thanks. He lets her leave first, waits for her to breeze out of the room looking triumphant in her suit and high heels, before allowing himself a slight smirk.

A most satisfactory encounter indeed.

**5\. I told you forever**

It takes them two days to figure out how Jack left, and with whom. The CCTV cameras inside the Hub are more high-tech than those around Cardiff, but it still takes Tosh some time to get through the disturbance caused by the TARDIS. Ianto is the only one of them to have seen the blue police-box before, and knows what it contains. Mentioning the fall of Torchwood One still causes the others to shrink away, although that's more likely to be because of Lisa than any remembrance of people they'd never met.

While the others are still gawking at the sight of Jack's grin and the spring on his step as he walks away from them, Ianto is already making plans. Torchwood is dedicated, after all, to finding out things about the Doctor, and there is a whole database of research available on the man who took Jack away. Ianto intends to be prepared when Jack comes back.

That he will come back is not in doubt. At least, Ianto refuses to consider the possibility.

It's a beautiful summer day, and later on Ianto will decide that Jack chose the date of his return deliberately, allowing for much hugging through light summer clothing, and the display of his own arms through a tight t-shirt. Gwen notices him first, standing behind the caged doorway smirking at them, and her screeches are enough to alert the rest of Torchwood.

As Gwen and Tosh run to get their hugs, and Owen walks down to get his handshake and punch in the arm, Ianto considers what approach to take. He doesn't want Jack to touch him, and would be quite happy to stay behind and busy himself with the coffee machine. However, that might draw more attention to him and Ianto is even less keen to make a show of himself. Fortunately, his indecision allows him an escape, for Jack is not alone. The man from the pictures, the Doctor, with his stripy suit and jaunty smile is here, as well as a black girl whom Ianto recognises as the most recent companion. They are being introduced to the rest of the team, and as Ianto starts making coffee for six (he prefers not to drink any himself, for now), he finds Jack looking around for him. Ianto gives a pleasant smile and Jack nods, an extra curve on his grin. Ianto goes back to making the coffee.

He gets to meet the Doctor only when everyone comes to congregate around the coffee station. "And this is Ianto, our ar-chi-vist and intrepid coffee maker. Ianto, this is the Doctor. And Martha Jones."

Ianto nods, offers a hand, and a cup of tea with two lumps of sugar. The Doctor quirks an eyebrow at him and Ianto smiles: "I also do research."

Jack's grin fades a little as he watches the exchange between them, and Ianto's smile widens as he turns to ask Martha for her preferences.

: :

Jack isn't a patient man, but he is capable of distracting himself for long enough so as not to look like an irritated five-year-old. However, he rarely manages subtlety at the same time.

"Ianto, have you got a minute? I can't find the files on the Gelth, and the Doctor needs to have a look at…"

"They're in your office, the left cupboard. Under G. Unless you've already managed to make a mess of things?"

Ianto gives a pleasant smile with his refusal to go play hide the stapler in Jack's office, but that doesn't keep Jack from frowning at him. Or the Doctor from noticing their interplay, and smirking, and bouncing on his toes.

Clearly he also enjoys playing with Jack. Ianto winks at the Doctor, and then counts to five.

Jack's second grin is dazzling. "Ianto, I've hardly had the time to make a mess of things. Why don't you come up and show me? Otherwise you know I'll just get your beautiful files all terribly mixed up, and you'll have to spend weeks and weeks getting them sorted again. And I'm sure there are better things you can do with your time."

"There's no need to blackmail me, sir. I'd be happy to give your friend a hand, right now if you like."

Ianto has had more time to practice his bland smile, and judging from Jack's annoyed pout that time has been well spent.

"And by the way, Owen was asking if you could have a look at one of the weevils. Apparently she's been exhibiting unusual behaviour, and Owen is worried. I'd recommend taking a look sooner rather than later, as Owen is getting more frantic and therefore exponentially more obnoxious, and I'm not sure how long Gwen can keep from bashing him in the head with one of the feeding trays."

The look on Jack's face is rather priceless, and Ianto promises himself a good snicker later on.

"If you wouldn't mind, sir?"

: :

It takes Jack two days to find out. Ianto suspects he's been going through the CCTV footage for deleted images (for security breaches, embarrassing encounters with weevils, or inter-staff sex), since it's unlikely that either Tosh or Owen would have told. That said, it might not take more than Owen making a crack about continuing Jack's leadership practices for Jack to cotton on.

"What's this I hear about you seducing your co-workers, Ianto?"

Jack sounds like he can't decide between being amused or outraged. Either would be satisfactory, Ianto thinks, and doesn't look up from the computer. "Which ones?"

"There was more than one?"

There's a crash as Gwen drops her mug of coffee. Everyone turns to look as she opens and closes her mouth a few times, before letting out an indignant shriek.

"What? You…Owen? Tosh? I know it hasn't been me!"

"Yeah…sorry about that, Gwen. You would have been next on the list."

For some reason, Ianto's apologetic smile doesn't seem to make her feel better.

But Jack is still staring at him, disbelieving and delighted, smirking and eager to hear more. It appears amusement has won.

"Ianto, Ianto, Ianto. Don't you know it's a bad idea to shag your co-workers? There could be harassment suits, you know. Or so I've been told."

"Well, as you were away, sir, I felt someone had to take up the slack."

"Oi, you tosser, don't you go spreading malicious rumours. The Captain's never shagged me."

Owen, too, seems more entertained than anything else by the developments. Ianto smirks at him, and is fiercely glad that Tosh isn't here to hear this.

"True. I didn't find it too difficult to surpass your achievements, Jack."

That causes the Doctor to laugh, and Jack to rediscover some of his earlier outrage.

"All right, all right, that's enough people. Don't you have work to do? Too much shagging is bad for your work ethics. It's all fun and games until someone gets a penis in the eye and then where will you be? Overrun by alien life forms, that's what. Now go back to work."

They all laugh, and move back to their workstations (The Doctor settling down by Tosh's desk with a bunch of mission statements), but Ianto notes that Jack is the first person to stop smiling.

He himself is the last.

: :

Curiosity, it appears, has always been a characteristic of the Doctor's. Fortunately, Ianto has had a chance to gather up a number of topics he can be legitimately curious about. The Doctor seems to welcome questions.

And he likes Wales.

"In the 51st century Cardiff is the capital of the United States of Europe. Since the fall of the American Empire in the fourth millennium, it's probably the most important city in the world. Five million people, and the third largest city in the States after Barcelona and Manchester. Oh and Welsh is the national language of Britain. They're very keen on national languages then, after seeing what happened with the Linguistic Wars of 3600s. Fifty-five official languages in Europe, you know. The biggest being Welsh, Catalan and Norwegian. Lovely millennium, that."

There is not much one can say to that. Ianto takes another gulp of his coffee, and doesn't try to hide his smile. The Doctor seems pleased and grins back.

"Would you like to see it?"

For a moment all thoughts of Jack disappear as Ianto contemplates the idea of Cardiff three thousand years in the future. "I would like that very much," he says. The Doctor bounces a little, and Ianto's smile widens.

: :

They both make sad faces at Jack when it's revealed that he can't join them, too much work to catch up. Ianto thinks Jack isn't fooled though, and makes a mental note to hide all evidence of how the weevils got hold of Pollackian Aphrodisiac Potion. They wave goodbye and promise to bring back Glamorgan Coffee for everyone (a strong, sweet beverage that apparently tastes like a mix between Guinness and espresso).

The Doctor keeps stroking the consoles of the TARDIS, and Ianto finds that the sight of those slender hands moving up and down, teasing the buttons, has more of an effect on him than he'd anticipated. He wonders what Jack thought of this, the Doctor crooning to his ship, flashing irrepressible grins at him. Whether it made Jack want to push him to the nearest wall and suck on his fingers.

He resists the urge, though. New Wales is gorgeous and Ianto is gobsmacked at the sight of people speaking Welsh all around him, the familiar words becoming strange and new in the mouths of so many people. The Doctor orders them cocktails with names like Draig Serennog and Blaidd Seisnig, and Ianto gets used to his voice, the slight Scottish accent when he speaks Welsh, the confusion of different vocal noises melting in his brain along with the alcohol. It's dark by the time they get back to the TARDIS, and he almost passes out on the top of the Doctor, one of the sofas in the recreation room too soft behind his back, the man warm and sweet smelling beside him. Ianto turns his head to say thank you, and ends up accidentally kissing the Doctor's neck.

The Doctor is wide-eyed and still, and Ianto is about to apologise when he is graced with another one of those dizzying smiles. "Well, if you insist," he hears just before the Doctor bends his head and sucks the last of the Glamorgan coffee from Ianto's mouth.

: :

It takes the TARDIS the whole night to get back to 21st century Cardiff. Ianto might suspect some tampering if he wasn't busy coming all over the Doctor's hands and mouth, and then his belly when Ianto rides him, awkward and graceless on the small sofa but unable to stop when there is so much bare skin and boundless desire before him. He falls asleep on top of the Doctor, slick with sweat and semen, still mumbling Welsh into his ear.

They get back, and Ianto watches as Jack takes in their rumpled clothes, the particularly delirious grin on the Doctor's face, and the stubble burn under Ianto's collar. The expected pout manifests itself briefly, but Ianto finds it doesn't make him as happy as he thought it would. Jack just nods, says he's glad that they're back safely, and asks the Doctor about some problems he'd had with the tentacled life forms in Altaphasia. Ianto slinks away, suddenly too tired to stand up or talk, and goes home.

: :

The next day, Jack brings him coffee and stands beside Ianto's desk looking abashed and endearing. Considering how difficult that must be for Jack, Ianto makes a point of appreciating the look.

"I just wanted you to know that I won't keep pushing. You've made your point about wanting to be left alone. I'm going to respect that."

Ianto takes a sip of his coffee, and grimaces. Jack could never figure out how to use the filter.

"I'm glad to hear it, sir. I wouldn't want to have file a complaint."

Jack nods, but makes no move to leave.

"Jack."

"Yes, Ianto?"

"You should know that as the archivist, it's my job to catalogue all the potions and poisons we gather. And that the Pollackian Aphrodisiac Potion has a very distinct taste. One that isn't covered by coffee."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Huh."

"Jack."

"Ianto."

"Jack."

"Ianto."

"You realise that this goes so far beyond sexual harassment that we have no forms to describe it?"

"I'm sure there's a form somewhere. There always is."

"That's hardly the point."

Jack grins and sidles closer. Instinctively, Ianto takes another sip of the coffee in self-defence before remembering its content.

"Well, what is the point? Don't think I haven't noticed what you've been doing. Seducing your co-workers. Seducing the Doctor. Doing all sorts of things to get my attention and make me jealous."

"I didn't realise I was in any danger of losing your attention."

Jack's teeth are suddenly a lot bigger. Ianto takes a step back and finds himself pressed against the wall.

"You weren't."

Ianto swallows, and then Jack is bending his head, following the line of his throat with his mouth, his hands moving to cup Ianto's head and grab his arse.

"This is…I can't believe you drugged me."

"Well, you shouldn't believe it. It's preposterous to suggest that I would need to."

Jack bites his Adam's apple and Ianto can't help the keening noise in his throat.

"Why would I need to, Ianto? Why have you been resisting me?"

"Because I don't want to! Why the hell do you think?"

Pulling back a little, Jack's face is still too close, watching him too closely.

"I'm sorry I left."

"No, you're not."

"I'm sorry I didn't take you with me."

"I don't believe you."

Jack grins, and leans close to kiss him, slowly, almost chastely.

"You will."

His lips are too warm and sweet, and Ianto can't think when Jack is kissing him, tasting him and humming into his mouth, happy and spreading a strange happiness into Ianto. He struggles to find the will to free his mouth. "Not when you've drugged me."

Jack sucks Ianto's lower lip into his mouth. "There are no drugs in your coffee. Just Altaphasian syrup. Remarkable how similar the taste is."

"Jack."

"Ianto."

"Why are you doing this?"

Grinning, Jack presses a soft kiss beneath his ear. "Why do you think?"

"That's not an answer."

"Well, as you said, you wouldn't believe me. Better to just show you instead."

"How?"

Jack's mouth grows still, but doesn't move away from Ianto's lips. When he speaks, the words are kissed against Ianto's mouth. "Will you come to bed with me?"

Ianto lets his eyes fall shut. Jack doesn't move, stays still and pressed close, enveloping him. There's only the slightest nudge as Jack's thumb strokes the back of his neck.

Letting out a long breath, Ianto moves his hands to slide up Jack's back. "As long as you understand that I'm not in love with you."

Jack pulls back and smirks before leaning in and biting his ear. "We'll see about that."  



End file.
